Chalet with private pool, tennis court, 5 bedrooms and designed in an open-plan French style while still easy walking distance to a big town and the metro? Mange Tout Rodney, we have the place for you. Just outside Betera town (1km to the metro), the property is more than 2.000m2, with mountain views, a large (more than 12m) pool and a tennis court. The garden needs a bit of TLC, but as I always say - Beouf a la Mode...

Here we have a decent property with a slightly uninspiring colour scheme and I reckon the owner is the sort of person who only eats the ham and cheese variety of sandwich and vanilla ice cream* but I’m sure a windswept and interesting individual like you can jazz this place up with colours, kaftan rugs, uncomfortable furniture, bedouin prints and musical instruments you have no idea how to play, so bring along your bric a brac...

Well here’s something that wouldn’t look out of place in Ibiza or Formentera, a great little low maintenance home but fortunately with a Valencia price tag, because that’s where it is, in La Eliana, and if you’re a dab hand at Google maps you can probably narrow it down even further, sorry I can’t do everything for you, tough love and all that...

When you have a gym in your property you probably want to think of something to do with weights, a bit of cardio and some resistance machines. What you don't normally think about is some competitive ironing. Not ironman but ironing, extreme ironing! If you have never seen Extreme ironing then just search it out on YouTube, it's fun (=Mental)...

Set in the foothills of the Sierra Calderona but at the very top of the San Miguel urbanisation we find this lovely villa that couldn’t look any more Spanish unless you put some castanets, a straw donkey and flamenco dress hanging up in the courtyard, marvellous, I always say you can’t beat an easy sterotype and mildly offensive generalisation. Olé mis cojones. :) Anyway...

Depending on your circumstances the choice when you look for properties largely relies on your lifestyle, City? Town? Apartment? House? Single? Married? Large family or relatives to look after? Kids and school runs every day? Fortunately in Valencia there is something for everyone and if you do choose a house you don’t have to go to the middle of nowhere...

(Ok, grammar police, I know we need an apostrophe there but it screws up the feed) Heres a cheerful and colourful Villa, filled to the rafters with the signs of the busy modern family, boogie boards, padel boards, fishing rods, mandolins, piano, harp, gymnasium and sauna, art studio, thousands of books, dartboard and even a shelf of scary dolls, it reads like the prize list from Bullseye*. You name it, these owners do it...

Hard to know which lead photo to go with here but this house has one stand out feature that makes it rather unique from all the others in the street, I just can’t put my finger on it. Maybe you’ve been going around in circles looking for that original home unlike any other, around the streets, around the towns, around the Wrekin...

When you think of Valencia, what places do you think of? Seaside towns I suppose, like Denia, Javea, Gandia and of course Moraira sparkling like little sun-kissed jewels lying in the surf of the turquoise Mediterranean. Beautiful in all seasons, year-round, 12 months, 365 days of fun and relaxation...